09 June, 2014

BLEH

I will admit that I've been dreaming about rain for the past month. There's the beautiful, dark, booming sound of thunder in my head, flashes of lightning illuminating everything in its brilliant light, the pitter-patter of raindrops as they strike the ground, that earthly smell of the ground as the water seeps through. It's a wonderful occurrence, especially in the scalding Chennai summer.

But so far, it's all been in my head, and my head only. I wake up expecting to inhale the calming scent of wet earth, but instead I am greeted by the harsh sunlight creeping through the cracks between the curtains like a motherfucker.

Until last night. Last night, my dreams - as trivial as they were - actually came true. I went to sleep watching the sky light up in flashes of white, listening to the rumble of enraged clouds as they sent down rain from the heavens. The air was cold and I went to sleep, content.

I guess the intro and outro of "Raining Blood" really got to me.

Lately I've been overly irritated, lashing out at everybody who manages to say something that's opinionated and to my dislike even in the slightest. Is it possible for a 15 year old to be hypertensive? Because I've been too stressed, enough to tell myself that I'm a worthless piece of shit (check out the previous post) and that I need to take a break from writing fiction and learning Danish.

Yesterday was when I realized I hadn't listened to music at all for over a week. I switched on my iPod, but it said "connect to power" and I think things got only worse from then.

I finally went to sleep, reading. The rain calmed me down this morning. I even managed to shout about what's bothering me, cry a little, and settle into an idle but effective routine (though I haven't exercised or bathed yet). I just can't wait for school - that time when everything falls into place, you no longer need to wonder when to wake up or when to eat, because you eat when you're hungry (you actually get hungry because you get tired) and wake up an hour before you need to move your ass out of the house. You sleep when you finish homework, and take a bath in the morning and before you hit the hay. And exercise? Psh, who has time for exercise?

So I'm sitting here listening to Megadeth and my mood has considerably improved. I just hope this isn't a PMS side effect.

2 comments:

  1. Glad to hear you're cheering up! Interesting that school establishes a pleasant routine for you; I like rain too, but mostly in the hopes that school will get cancelled. Somehow it clogs up my brain and I feel like a corporate drone. But to each her own :)

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    1. Haha, now that school's started again, I like rain for the same reasons that you do. Since I bike to school, I have realized that rain isn't as beautiful as it seems when you're standing under a roof. Thunder still is my favorite natural sound, though, and lightning can be beautiful to look at (even though I advise that you don't).

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