06 June, 2014

dear self,

look away from the screen. lift your chin up, princess, your crown's falling. don't get so down on yourself. remember to drink water when you're thirsty. clip your nails once a week, even your toenails. don't let yourself skip the sunscreen. put breakfast before you run to the shower. and don't forget to shower.

stop feeling weak. you are strong, and you are capable of doing whatever the fuck you want. but take care of yourself. eat. read. write. work out. play drums. listen to music. those are 50% of the things that are important this year, 2014. the rest is your family. take care of them. but more than that, care enough to take care of yourself. be happy with what you have. because only if you love yourself will others love you.

up the hygiene. and look ahead. ahead at all the things you're going to do. releasing CDs, publishing books, living the road life. drop your goal of putting up good instagram pictures. that is bullshit. think instead of your biceps, the fringe, the u-haul blankets, your future band members, that feeling you'll get when you're first on stage. you want that, don't you? yes, you do; that was a rhetorical question.

wake up earlier, not at noon. go outside, enjoy the calm as you speed-bike listening to Pantera. come back and eat an egg or two. fucking bathe. read. play drums. eat lunch. read. work out. drum. read. eat. work out. i promise you, you give what you get. so give it your all.

i know you feel awkward about friends. that's okay. take it one step at a time. go talk to a newbie. have an old friend over. skype that person who has seemingly drifted away. it doesn't matter what you look like; you were friends for a reason.

take care of yourself. wash your hair, your bellybutton, the undersides of your feet. play around with some kohl. work out enough that you feel your heart beating in your ears. you are ALIVE. that in itself is a gift.

remember when you're down that pain doesn't tell you when you ought to stop. pain is the little voice in your head that tries to hold you back because it knows that if you go on, you will change. don't let it stop you from being who you CAN be. EXHAUSTION tells you when you ought to stop. you only reach your limit when you can go no further.

do it for the skinny jeans, the biceps, the sleeveless Slayer shirts, the confidence boost, the satisfaction, the "holy shit, you got hot", the photographs, the oppurtunities, the fame, the fun of it all.

if you want something real bad, make a fucking plan, write that shit down, and work on it. every. single. day.

and if you feel like giving up, just remind yourself that you have a lot of motherfuckers to prove wrong.

2 comments:

  1. Wow. This is breathtakingly beautiful, both from a literary point of view and as a self-introspection. And the last sentence was just hilarious.

    I hope you feel awesome after writing this, because let me tell you, you are AWESOME. :)

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  2. Hey! I know I'm a month late, but somewhere down the line I stopped getting notifications of when people left comments on my posts...

    Anyway, thank you for reading this at all. I remember feeling like a huge sack full of turtle crap when I wrote this. I do feel better now, and thank you, you're awesome too! :D

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